Friday, August 12, 2011

The Easy Job

Week 2 is off to a fabulous start. My current favorite nurse will be here for the entire weekend. When my doctor came in, she cheered because we're halfway through the most dangerous two weeks. I'm finally settling into enough of a routine that I'm sleeping through the night (at least until they wake me up for my meds), and I've spent the last 30 minutes or so watching Tate roll around in my belly which is pretty amazing to see. It's been a great Friday so far.

I'm starting to think that I've really got the good end of the deal in this whole situation. Yes, I'm the one stuck in bed, but I don't have a lot to worry about. Someone takes care of me every minute of every day. I don't have to deal with the pressure of providing for our family or trying to tie up all the loose ends that I unintentionally left behind. Don't worry... I'm not in denial. I fully grasp the implications of what's to come, but if the shoe were on the other foot and Kevin was the one laying in this bed... I don't think I could be the other person. That job sounds WAY harder!

My life has completely changed in the last eight days, but it's really turned out to be a pretty good change. Even though Tate's behaved well and stayed right where he's supposed to, I became a mommy late last Thursday. When I was admitted that morning I was still regular old selfish me. I'd heard other women talk about how much they loved their unborn children, but I felt nothing. It's hard to explain, but he just didn't feel real yet. So when I cried for hours straight, not one of those tears was for my child. I cried because of the pain and discomfort I was going through. I cried for the freedom I was losing. I cried because I was scared for myself, not for Tate. It was completely selfish. Then my doctor came in and explained the magnitude of what was happening and that she was seriously concerned that this baby would be here in a matter of days, and I finally understood what those other women were talking about.

What I do isn't fun, but it doesn't matter anymore. There's only one possible response. I follow the rules and deal with painful shots and uncomfortable exams because it's the only thing I can do to help keep my son safe. When I hear his little heart beating and watch him kicking inside my belly, it's easy to do the right thing, even if I know it means putting myself through something I'd rather not go through. He's real now. He's part of me. He's my Tate, and he matters more than my selfish comfort. I definitely got the easy job.

Only 12 more days until 28 weeks. We're almost halfway there! I can't believe how quickly the time is going...

1 comment:

  1. i love this post... a lot... thank you for sharing your heart my friend.