Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Another Tuesday

It's Tuesday which means it's officially my most dreaded day of the week. I absolutely hate the weekly sonograms, and I'm pretty sure that's not going to change. This week was far less stressful than last thanks to the distractions provided by my lovely nurse, but it's still scary to know that the course of our lives could change in a split second based on the results.

Today the results were good: everything is basically the same which means no new restrictions (yay!). The high risk doctor is confident that we'll make it another week, probably further, and suggested a 28 week party for next week to celebrate our first big milestone. My regular doctor was even more positive, pointing out that the fact that things are still stable even though the baby is now two weeks bigger is great news and bodes well for the next two weeks. It's definitely refreshing that no one speaks in terms of days anymore. It's always weeks now, often multiple weeks, but it's a little discouraging to think about just how many weeks we have to go.

I know I should be super excited about another good sono. Everyone else is, and I know they can see that I'm not because they keep telling me what great news it was. Part of the problem is that although the doctors say I'm stable, I'll never be completely stable. Measurements will always change from week to week, and since I'm me, I remember exactly what the measurements were before and know without being told if they are better or worse. I'm not good at accepting that anything within a certain range is considered ok. I want same down to the millimeter, or I want better, not a few millimeters worse. Last week stable meant a few more millimeters. This week stable meant a few less. It's hard not to worry that next week I'll be looking at another smaller number.

But for this week all will stay the same, and for that I'm thankful. Another week for Tate to grow, and selfishly, another week with no IV (HUGE fear!). At least I'm not at staff development!

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